Agony
by yeah-well-hey
Summary: Shortly after his confrontation with Mars, whom he felt unexpectedly attracted to, Jadeite lingers on in agony as his fellow Kings wait for him to die. Can he remember who he truly is? [Story is narrated by Kunzite]


**Note: This story generally follows the plot of the manga, but is also contained within the Ode to Memory AU.**

* * *

I can barely recognize his face.  
The fire has erased every familiar feature.

He shudders incessantly and grips at my arm, and his blinded eyes search for me in vain. Why is he still alive? Why this cruel, prolonged agony?  
We pulled him out of the flames and placed him upon his deathbed. With reverence, with ceremony, honouring our fellow King as though he were our brother. Waiting patiently for him to draw his last breath.

But Jadeite still clings to the realm of the living.

He whimpers pathetically, he gives quiet moans. The stench is unbearable. It sickens me, but I remain by his side. I force myself to stare at him, at his melted flesh, at his charred skin and his naked cheekbones.

_I must show strength._

"I will avenge you, Jadeite," Nephrite says, pacing around the room like a lion in a cage. "Those Sailor Guardians, whatever they are, I will destroy them with my bare hands. I promise you this day."  
I light up some incense in my engraved incense burner. A Persian relic I once found at a market, and felt inexplicably drawn to. On a day I had wandered off in secret, wanting to be alone.  
"This hinders our plans," Zoisite declares, folding his arms and looking away.  
"Is that all you care about?" Nephrite angrily asks. "Our _plans?_ Jadeite is _dying_."  
"I know that."  
The smoke rises, gently floating upwards.  
"Then at least _pretend_ that you care."  
"I do care. More than _you, _who can think only of revenge."  
"What did you say?"  
Nephrite grabs Zoisite by the collar and lifts him off the ground.  
"Go on," Zoisite taunts him, "hit me if you dare. It's your response to everything."  
"Don't provoke me."  
"Enough," I intervene. "Have you no respect? Your bickering is offensive to Jadeite."  
Nephrite glares at Zoisite for a few moments, then finally lets him go.  
"You're right, Kunzite," he says. "I apologize."  
Joining me, he walks over to the other side of Jadeite's stone bed. Zoisite makes a few tentative steps forward, but changes his mind and backs away.  
"Look at what they did to him," Nephrite laments.  
He suffers from his own wrath. I hear it in his voice.  
"Who was she? That new Sailor Guardian… Why did he bring her with him?"  
"I don't know. I believe he wanted to make her his hostage. He didn't know who she was."  
"Mars…"

He speaks. Out of the depths of his torment, he speaks.  
_Jadeite._

"I saw the symbol of Mars appear on her forehead," he utters with difficulty.  
"A Sailor Guardian from Mars," Nephrite muses.  
"What's next?" Zoisite snaps. "An enemy from the Moon, another from Mercury, and now, a new one from Mars. Will the other planets oppose us too? We must anticipate their next move."  
He has turned away from us, and stands far from the bed.  
"Again with your accursed plans!" Nephrite cries.  
"Sooner or later, we will have to face the facts," Zoisite retorts.  
"I _spit_ on your facts."  
"Do as you please. I'm tired of arguing with you."  
"As am I."  
I hear Zoisite sigh.  
"Why aren't you here with us, anyway?" Nephrite asks him.  
"I am."  
"No, you're in your own little corner."  
"Leave him alone, Nephrite," I calmly tell him.  
"I have… failed you all…" Jadeite whispers.  
I shake my head.  
"You did all that you could."  
"It was… not enough."  
"We will bring you back, Jadeite," Nephrite says. "Once we get our hands on the Silver Crystal."  
Jadeite gasps, overwhelmed by the pain in his body. It sends Nephrite into a fury. He screams, and curls his fists.  
"Curse our enemies! They will pay for what they have done to Jadeite. I, Nephrite, will avenge him!" he exclaims, then storms out of the room. I can still feel his dark energy lingering in the air, like that of ten thousand imploding stars.

"He wants to be up next," Zoisite says. "He thinks he will be the one who gets the Silver Crystal for our Mistress."  
"Let us hope so."  
I shut my eyes, take a deep breath. Barely suppressing the urge to vomit. How he reeks, this scorched, dying man who was once so fair. I look at what is left of Jadeite, I study his uniform, his hands, his neck, and my gaze inevitably falls back upon his face. The blackened blood and the glistening fibers of his ruined flesh. They intertwine like ragged threads, and reveal part of his white teeth.  
"Come, Zoisite, be with him," I say, now looking at Jadeite's last strands of golden hair.  
"I… I can't," Zoisite replies, turning towards me, yet slowly retreating.  
"Zoisite."  
"I can't. I'm sorry, Kunzite. I can't bear to look at him. To see him this way. This is not how I wish to remember him. I know that I am being weak, but this is beyond my power. I cannot look at him."  
_There is no elegance in this horror._  
"He needs us."  
"To what end?" Zoisite laughs nervously. "In a few moments, he'll be gone. Why put myself through this? I cannot do it, Kunzite. I cannot find it in me to look at him. It's impossible. Forgive me."  
He seems so ashamed and contrite. Our eyes meet one last time, and he, too, leaves the room.

Sensing the desertion, Jadeite grasps my cape, begging me to stay. But I have no intention of leaving.  
"K-Kunzite, listen to me. There… There is something I must tell you."  
I am amazed at how much strength is left in his body.  
_Why is he still alive?_  
"I'm listening, Jadeite."  
"That girl…" he says.  
"The Guardian from Mars?"  
"Yes. I… don't know why, but… I felt drawn to her as soon as I laid eyes on her."  
"She is very beautiful."  
"No, that's not… That's not it, Kunzite. Drawn to her, in circular motion."  
"I don't understand."  
"Like the Earth and the Moon…"  
Frowning, I wait for him to clarify his thoughts.  
"Like the celestial bodies," he continues.  
"What do you mean?"  
"She means something to me."  
He pauses, exhausted, but not yet ready to let go.  
"Kunzite, do you ever feel like… Like there's something you know… Something buried deep inside you. Locked away, out of your grasp, and yet, close enough that you could just… reach for it?"  
_Something you know, but cannot access._  
"I am misaligned with myself," Jadeite declares. "But the point of convergence is near."  
"Death is near."  
"Death will bring clarity."  
"You are delirious with pain."  
"…No, I am not. Do you not feel it as well? Do you… think of yourself as awake, Kunzite? Do you not feel… like part of you is asleep?"  
I give him no reply.  
"I… I've tried so many times to look inwards, through the keyhole," he says. "There's a filament of light emerging from it. But Her hands, Her cursed hands, they always pull me away, they fill the lock with Her shadows…"  
_They forbid you to gaze inside._  
"Her fingers paint black nightmares all over the walls of your mind, and you try to look into the chamber, but you can't, you simply _can't_, because it's there, yet it's not there, it's so close, and yet it's so remote, like a distant dream, or a _memory_…"  
He is speaking rapidly now. His remaining energy surges through him in an ascending wave.  
The wave of an ocean.  
_Who do I always think of the ocean?  
And its winds.  
And the skies above it._  
"What is it, Kunzite? What do we know?" Jadeite shouts, and I have to push him back down upon the bed. "What do we know?"

_Everything we were made to forget._

"Stop it, Jadeite. Do not speak of such things. Not here. It's dangerous."  
"_Who are we, Kunzite?_" he screams, and stares right into my eyes. So directly, that I could swear he has recovered his vision.  
But the rope finally severs.  
Jadeite's body collapses, and he exhales. And unhands me, and falls into eternal silence.

I step back, my heart thumping in my chest. I look around and find no comfort in the darkness I was taught to worship. I see the chamber within me, I see the keyhole, but I cannot peer into it.  
Because my Mistress places her hands over my eyes, and drags me back into the shadows.


End file.
